I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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