Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
