so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
