I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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