ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize