Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
