We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
