So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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