Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
