My first STD was from a foam party
We need to rekindle our bromance
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
