i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
