Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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