my mouth tastes like poor choices
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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