I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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