Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
