i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
