Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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