she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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