I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
