Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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