Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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