i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
