theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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