my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my poor anus
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sobbing to NWA
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
