Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
