by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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