is your mom at the bar?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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