I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
