how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
