I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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