Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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