...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
