you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
