Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
