remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
