I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
