i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
