So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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