Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
