I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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