Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
