just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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