It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
