Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
