I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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