no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
