Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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