filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
