Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
