My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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