Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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