3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish my penis had an off switch
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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