if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
