why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
