well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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