i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
