Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
bring money and cleavage
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
