Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
