All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
